My alcoholism was so bad. I didn't know what I was in for the first couple weeks, but things started to fall into place and I was glad I didn't try to do it on my own. I probably would have relapsed. I never drank but I'm reading a book called the Diseasing of America. I don't know if I'm hiding behind the disease concept now. Cigarettes weren't a real monster but I failed the first few times. I want to quit these pills. I have to truly want to quit them or I wont be successful, which is okay if I don't make it this time, that just means I didn't really want to want it.
I went 23 hours and I couldn't stand it another minute. I had gone 5 consecutive days on two occasion in jul/aug but I was in a conducive environment. I haven't had a chance to experience PAWS but I discovered I'm barely taking enough to experience substantive detox. I just take vitamins and I'm already on psych. medication, unless I just can't remember going thru it. I had the worse acid reflex a couple times when my dose got high, so I had no choice but cut back. I had to drink Maalox straight out of the bottle.
I would just like to tell anyone. I had a friend in chronic pain and I was dealing with so many friends in active abuse I thought who would fault me. I can handle this. After all I quit with the weed and everything several years ago. Do yourself a favor and get off the coffee and donuts and go vegetarian before thinking you can handle a narcotic. You might end up in chronic pain where you actually need them, but don't play games with fate if you have good sobriety. I don't know why some of these people are in my life but I need a boundary and that really isn't a recovery topic,but more of a therapy one.
I know the third step is an action step. I need to pray about Gods will for me in my life. MY teaching was a dead end. My public administration didn't work out. Just because I'm struggling with vocational aptitude doesn't mean USE. I have to believe nothing happen by mistake. I don't know how many obstacles need to be thrown into my path. This I could not even describe as a grip as the one that took my life twenty some years ago.
I can't stress how important sponsorship is or at least sharing your secrets with a sober alcoholic. I get the impression that the opiates are a little more leaning toward the mental component after the initial symptoms of withdrawal, but I need to be in a place where I won't drink so I don't trigger a craving for alcohol.