I am a divorced woman, three happy kids, I am 42 years old. Darn the luck, fell in love about 6 months ago with an alcoholic who was amazingly good at hiding his addiction. He admits he drinks too much, and has been doing so since he was about 17. (he is also 42) Very good looking, charming, charismatic, hilariously funny man, who I fell for instantly. He, after about 4 months, couldn't really hide it anymore. I thought it was strange how hard he fought to go to the bars alone, without me or anyone, 3-4 times a week. it was my first experience with anyone that chose the bar/alcohol over me. I have never really been a drinker. Don't really like it. He started needing more time away from me. I was suspicious about another woman. come to find out, yep... there was an ex- he was seeing again, AND to make things worst, also drinking more. He has broken up with me several times ( after yelling for about 3 hours and drinking about the same amount of time) He does a vanishing act, for about 2-3 days...HURTS like HELL. BTW... do nothing but worry and feel sorry for myself. FEEL quite abandoned. AND now, after he has done this vanishing act a few times, I have serious anxiety- I MEAN SERIOUS anxiety- he will abandon me again. We fight about 50% of our time spent together. He yells, I cry, I apologize, and admit I ****** it up again. BUT after he sobers, of course, he is sorry. after he vanishes, he, of course is sorry. I can't trust him, have found many messages from other women on his phone, and just recently found out about a secret TWTR account that has some porn ladies "following' him. Grosses me out. SO NOT my lifestyle, and I have to ask...? who am I? that I would date someone that behaves like this. I know I am addicted to his behavior, and it makes me sick. I want out. I love him, and have not found the strength to leave. WHAT is wrong with me. I have always been so so so so strong!!! Typing in tears, feeling crazy about admitting this to you all, and to self.
