For years and years, I threatened to leave. I didn't really give ultimatums - but the times that I did as well as when I made my threats, I was not prepared to back them up. I guess I kept hoping that he would believe me. (I realize now how stupid that was)
Then for about the past 4 years, things slowly started becoming different. I started pointing out to him that I no longer cried, I cared a little less and less each time, I pointed out to him how I was giving him signs as well as words to show him that I really was not going to live my life like that forever.
In truth, he did get a little better. The binges were usually less severe and not as often. But it still continued.
When I finally did have enough - it seemed to be the rock bottom that he needed. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done and it was too late.
On a side note to that, for those of you that may give ultimatums and/or threats but not follow through.............we had attended marriage counseling about 10 years ago. During one of our sessions, the counselor asked my AH why he treated me the way he did. My AH's answer "because she let's me". I was floored, to say the least. However, I really didn't know how NOT to LET him. I also wasn't prepared to leave him and I loved him and held onto hope. But now that I look back on that - as those words have haunted me for years - I realize the truth was said 10 years ago. I guess I just didn't "get it".