RobbyRobot

Hi W,

Yeah, there is absolute surety in a steadfast sobriety available for all of us, its all there for us even in spite of our past fears and experiences and inner demons.

I can be sure based on my sober experiences since July 1981, so about 30 years. No lapses or relapses - just everyday sobriety day after day.

I've experienced poverty, richness, medical challenges, job loss, divorce, family emergencies and breakups, suicidal ideations, depression and anxiety, mental illness, anger issues, isolation, re-marriage and finally just old fashioned despair and dumb-ass selfishness.

Stayed sober through it all. Very sober, not white-knuckling it, not fighting against taking that drink. Once I surrenderd back in my first three months sobriety was always there for me to lean on and trust my life with.

23 years is a hell of a long time, W. If you are having doubts about being sure of sobriety with that many years under your belt, that would be an awesome amount of pain to carry around, and I hope you realize that its never to late for us to dump our pain and live a new life without all the fears of our alcoholic past.

I'm not here because of pain or fears. I logged on here first time in June 2008 because I wanted to get on with my life following my separation in 2007 from my ex-wife of 22 years marriage, and then my divorce finalized in 2009. As it turns out, I met Melissa, (Ajax here at SR) and we got happily married in October of 2009. So for me, what I wanted out of SR I got: new relationships in my new life as a single man. I did not plan on marrying anybody from SR, but my HP and God, and Melissa had their plans too, lol, I soon discovered. I also had plenty of chances to share my sober experiences as well here on SR.

I've never posted any shares of me being in trouble or otherwise having a difficult time with my sobriety. Dosen't mean I haven't had some significant life challenges: I lost my home, and my job, and my money, in my divorce. I had a lousy '93 Ford Aerostar, a big screen TV, a computer, a desk, some clothes, and my seventeen year old daughter who wanted to live with me and not her mother.

I was taken in by my sister and parents and they gave us love and shelter as I slowly got back to my feet. Well, so to speak, because actually, in June of 2008 I had some medical complications that have permanately resulted in my alternating from using crutches and / or my wheelchair. I haven't walked since June 2008, and its unlikely I'll ever walk again.

I also have chronic pain, and I'm told only an amputation of my right leg from the hip will relieve the pain. I don't take pain meds, they just don't work for me. They mess me up and the pain just continues although muted. You can imagine my physical pain if my doctors and myself are considering amputation. I have a long medical history. As a matter of fact, my right foot has already been amputated, back in '83, so I was like 2 years sober then, you know?

Should I go on? Even I find it hard to comprehend what I was dealing with while drunk and now sober.

My alcoholism left me with a life time lasting gift even into my sobriety: a peculiar mental illness diagnosed as undifferentiated schizophrenia. I also have the challenges of attachment disorder since early childhood to deal with in my adult sober life. Again, no meds. They just don't work for me good enough for me to take them. I would if they worked, it would be so much easier, lol.

I find Gestalt Therapy, and sober fellowship with clean alcoholic drug addicts very helpful in my meeting and surpassing my physical and mental challenges, as well my alcoholic challenges are furthur surpassed by my sober spiritual life experiences gained by my living the AA program.

A spiritual life is what saves me from my troubles. Absolutely and completely. I am truly beyond human-aid. Very much so. I have every reason to drink and I don't have the slightest want to drink. Its all been removed. Before sobriety of course, it was a different story, I was always as drunk as I could get. And no wonder I drank, lol.

So today, I'm doing okay. I'm retired. I worked in the addictions field for 20 years, and I "worked" for another 10 years as a foster-father in a group home enviroment with youth from broken families, almost all of them having been devastated from alcoholic backgrounds. I do investing in the open stock market, and I'm doing okay. I have no big debts, my home and 2011 SUV all paid for in full. I'm not hurtin' for money no more

My point is that I have the alcoholic background that does not lead to all that I have today, and yet here I am. Usually alcoholic drug addicts like me just die on the street, getting sober is rare.

I'm trying to say that if you have fears W, then those fears are robbing you of a spiritual life experience that would be your salvation if you could surrender to what is ailing you. You would be the winner. You have nothing to lose but all that fearful suffering for your hardships.

Like I'm saying, I still have hardships, I still endure troubles, I still have dire challenges and I could still be drunk and make it all worse and lose everything if I wasn't living a sober spiritual life.

Yeah, my sobriety is a sure thing. Absolutely a sure thing. And it has always been a sure thing for 30 years now through good times and bad times.

W, do you live a spiritual sober life? I'm not asking about religion, but I'm asking are you spiritual? What experiences are your fears and despairs based on? 23 years is a long time, for any of us, my fearful fellowship brother. How can we help?

warmly,
Rob