Thanks Chicory: Put it this way. It's largely the memories which are frightening now. What could have happened but didn't. What did happen but shouldn't have. How confident at the time I felt when I thought I'd beaten it and how wrong I was. And how stupid I was when it kept coming back and back. And, finally, how completely weird it was when it started getting better and kept doing that. Addiction is a frightful thing. Because it's not like losing a leg or two. It's like losing yourself. And once that happens all bets are off as to whether you're ever going to get yourself back again.
W.