I think part of recovering is fear. But it's a healthier fear than the fear of running out of booze. It is part of our make-up as alcoholics. I think even though we have basically dealt with issues of why we are drinking there is still that magnet to WANT to drink. Even though it made us useless and shameful there is still the thrill and excitement about sauce. Sure, it is scary. Every true recovered alcoholic should still hold on to a shred of fear -it is that fear that keeps us sober. We know what will happen. We know the consequences. We know where we will inevitabley end up.
Here are two analogies I found online about relapse. I thought they were interesting and scary.
A cucumber gets pickled but is pulled out of the pickling solution before it is eaten away or shriveled into oblivion. Does the pickle ever return to being a cucumber again? No. It will forever remain, a pickle.
We are like "pickles". If we stay out of the solution we can save ourselves but we will never be cucumbers (normal) again.
Staying out of the solution takes changing our mindset plus seeking spiritual help.
~And~
You create this tiger as you ingest your DOC. The tiger grows as your addiction grows.
Now, if you can stop drinking, this tiger will eventually calm down and go to sleep. Keep up the sobriety and the tiger will never wake up.
But here is the trick - the tiger continues to grow larger, even though you have stopped the drinking. This tiger gets bigger and bigger the longer you stay away from your DOC.
Now, what happens when you decide to "reward" yourself for being clean so long. You take a drink. You are unique, right? You can take a drink and walk away, right?
Wrong. You have just woken up a 500lb beast that wants to be fed. And you will be compelled to comply...Never wake the tiger up.