The Really Scary Part-Getting Out of Denial
When I think over all the problems I had getting into recovery I often get scared all over again. Here is this hideous and humiliating illness (or whatever you choose to call it). If left unchecked it can (or will) kill you. But before it does that it can take away your home, your job, alienate you from your spouse, your kids, the rest of your family, rob you of self respect and leave you alone with a bottle or whatever drug you happen to have chosen. But that’s not the real scary part. The real scary part is how often, when I felt really down and out, when I admitted that I had become addicted, when I determined never to drink again, to seek “help”, to do whatever was necessary to get sobriety, when I did all these things, when i really convinced myself that this was the end of my addiction- the really scary thing was how often, how very often, after a month, several months, or in a few cases, several years, the thing would suddenly be there, having crept up behind me and there it was again- the whole house of cards would collapse.
So the scary part is -how can I be sure? How can you be sure? Even after 23 years? Is it still there waiting for me? Maybe that’s why I’m writing this, why I often log on to this website. Is that why you're here too?
W.