Introducing Myself
Hi, I am Sarah. I am 28 and from Brooklyn, NY. I started drinking in high school. It completely spiraled out of control over the course of many years. I chose to deny it for a long time even though I knew in the back of my head that I had a problem. I used alcohol and cocaine on a daily basis through my early 20's. I pretended it was a social thing, but it really was bad. I have lost jobs, friends, respect, money. Once, I fell down a flight of stairs and will forever have a scar on my face. None of that stopped me. Then, I got pregnant. I stayed sober throughout the pregnancy. That was extremely difficult because my partner was the opposite of sober the whole time. It angered me, all i could do was count down the days until I would give birth and could "Party" again. And so, I gave birth. My son is absolutely amazing and at first I didnt even have the urge to party because I had him and I wanted to be sober and healthy for him. A few months went by and I decided OK, I can be a responsible drinker. I would have a few beers and catch a buzz and it would all be very normal. I was never able to do that before, why would I think I could do it now?? So that worked a few times. Then one night in mid-July my partner and I took our baby to a restaurant and got loaded. When we got home we had to carry his stroller up the stairs. He was not strapped in and he fell out his stroller. We panicked and called 911. The ambulance came, the assessed the situation. The baby was fine. However, since we were drunk they arrested us for endangerment to a child, took us to jail, and put our baby in foster care. It was the lowest point of my entire life. I fought to get him back and I did get him back. I am now in recovery. I go to a program every day to work on my sobriety and be part of a support group. I am trying to figure out how to not hate myself. I stayed sober until 2 weeks ago, I relapsed. I went out with my cousin and had drinks. I dont know why. I am so depressed and confused and anxious. I just want to be a good mother. My baby is the most amazing person I have ever met, and I dont want to dissappoint him. Please help!