New age....New me?
Hello everyone. I've been on this site for days now... Not as a member, just reading everyone's stories.
Yesterday was my birthday. I really need this next year to be better, and I am terrified.
I had back surgery a few months ago. The months leading up to that surgery were so painful that I would be full on crying while trying to drive. I was given Percocet 5mg by my doc. The pain was so bad, I quickly needed 10's instead....and then it was 2 at a time....every 2 hrs instead of 5 hrs....and so on and so on. So, I finally had the surgery. The pain was less intense and different than before.... It still hurt!!! But I did start to feel better.
As the back pain got better, I would try and see how long I could go in between pills...usually at night so I could be laying down. The first time I made it to 12 hours between pills, the withdrawals started!!! How nieve am I? I had no idea it would happen that fast and that severe. I did start to taper myself down after that.....BUT, since then I have reinjured my back twice, so of course I went back to taking as much as 80mg a day.
I'm angry at myself. So, once again, I tried a drastic drop in dosage. In a 48 hour period of time, I only allowed myself 40 mgs.....mostly done in 5 mg increments. .....I can honestly say I feel like I'm dying! My pupils went from pinpoints to saucers! Chills..sweats...shaking....and that's while I'm still USING!!!! I can barely sleep or eat.
My back hurts so bad now, and I don't know if it's withdrawal pain or surgery pain!!!!!
Now, I'm no angel. I know I used the pills more often than prescribed, and in a higher dose too.... But I guess I thought this only happened after years of abusing these drugs, not just a few months of using them for real pain.
How am I going to get through today!!??
I've read on here about symptoms that go on for weeks. Does anyone know if withdrawal severity and longevity directly correlate with usage times and dosages?
It's been a rough year. I often wonder if I allowed myself to continue with the Perc's because they helped keep things nice and fuzzy.
I know we are not allowed to ask for medical advice here, but may I ask if anyone who has gone through this before might tell me what they did to get through?
Should I tapper slower I wonder? I want to ask for my doctors help....but I dont even known what to ask for. Someone mentioned Zanex might help, yet then another said no that will make it worse.
All I know is that I am a giant mess.
Thanks for a place to go and rant a bit. As you can probably tell, I don't blog or post anything anywhere. No style to my writing AT all....and a bit random too.
My goal is to be clean by Christmas.
Happy Thanksgiving to those of you here in the states.