I wish I were dumber so I could hit my bottom faster.
I really, really hope that in the near future you look back on this post because what I quoted was really damaging to your self-confidence. Your self-confidence can only take so much damage. As far as I see, the primary problem is your mood and confidence level.
I too, was depressed and hated what I became. Once I learned to look at the positives in life, going on walks, and having a smile on my face - Life didn't look so bad after all. When you drink to cover up your pain or problems that exist, you're only coating the pain / problem with more problems. Even if you get black out drunk because, lets say, your co-worker said something hurtful.. When you wake up in the morning, that problem STILL exists and your drinking did absolutely nothing to solve it. You'll eventually need to face the problem or problems head on.
If you were sober and had a clear head, the problem could of been prevented.
When all you do is look into a dark room, you'll see nothing in front of you.. You need to change yourself and that's hard to do, but when you turn on the light and see the possibilities, life becomes a lot better.