Day 1 minus 1
Hello to everyone. I ve read the messages on this site for months but finally decided to join in pure desperate desire that maybe something somewhere someway somehow I can fix my brain to not think opiates need to rule my universe. My life has had its ups but here lately all downs all problems secondary to drugs. If things do not change I honestly do not know what I will do. Life on the outside looks so squeaky clean, good job, great family, nice things. But on the inside its screaming a violent rage of addiction that i simply can no longer afford to tolerate for my sanity's sake, my bank account's sake, and really simply for my life. I am scared beyond all belief because I have tried this so many different ways and always end up back in this spot, lonely and crying myself to sleep curled up with the computer. I almost lost my job today. My family (as crazy as they are, i love them deeply) simply has no tolerance for my bs anymore. I'm losing it all yet all I can think about is how simple the concept of quitting is but how daunting the actual task is. I have four days before i have to be a functional working adult again. I wish i could vent more but the eye lids are getting heavy. Just wanted to say hello and thanks to all those anonymous people who have changed my heart in a good direction tonight.