One thing that really really hurts is that until a month ago, I have ALWAYS believed in him, that he could DO IT, that he would GET IT THIS TIME. Now, I just don't. And that hurts SO MUCH.
I'm so sorry you're in this painful place. I also got sober in 1991 and have learned that the ONLY thing I have power over is myself and that denial accompanies me through life perched on my shoulder. You are taking the right steps and it sounds like you have good support so while this hurts so much, you'll get through it as we all do. Where I need the support of AA and Al-anon is to get the reality checks I need when codependency rears its head. So keep talking and posting, it helps you and also the rest of us. God bless!