I am comfortable in my own recovery at this point. Regular Al-anon meetings, individual therapy, bodywork, regular meditation etc. I have more support than four people do normally. Actually as I write this I realize I have been comfortable in my own recovery for a long time now. It was something I did not give up when the alcoholic appeared in my life, though I added the Al-anon and meditation after the fact. Maybe what I am bucking against is that I do get a lot of feedback that I have made huge changes, just not from the ones in my life who struggle with alcohol.
Actually as I type this, that is a big part of where the confusion came from. I don't struggle with the Three C's in general, but on occasion I do struggle that even after witnessing how much better my life is in my own recovery, recovery was not something that appealed to my exAH.
I am not with that individual anymore, and honestly if I change the focus of "Work the recovery you wish he/she would work," to the he/she to anyone else in my life it is not feeling like I am "doing" if for codie reasons (and honestly never was....a lot of my own recovery I was working on prior to meeting the H).
Thanks! I do feel free to post when I have something come up (or I talk about it in Al-anon meetings). It is a perfect way to get myself unstuck.
As always I am open to other's feedback. That is how I learn.