Nikoneer, I second what Dee said. Detoxing is downright uncomfortable. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You can get encouragement here! Here are some helpful rules that I hope will help! 1. Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop this picture. Never think of yourself as failing; never doubt the mental image. that is most dangerous, for the mind always tries to complete what it pictures. So always picture "success" no matter how badly things seem to be going at the moment. 2. whenever a negative thought concerning your personal powers come to mind, deliberately voice a positive thought to cancel it out. 3) Do not build up obstacles in your imagination. Depreciate every so-called obstacle. Minimize them. Difficulties must be studied and efficiently dealt with to be eliminated, but they must be seen for only what they are. They must not be inflated by fear thoughts. I also have a note on my bathroom mirror it says "FIGHT - this will kill you". This battle really is a life and death situation. You have much to give and alcohol will only destroy that! I can tell from your post that you are beginning to doubt your commitment. Don't let fear take over - please fight for your life!