From my own pathetic experience, I found that I had not conceded to my INNER-MOST SELF that I was an alcoholic and addict. I tried to control and moderate my drinking. It's hard to describe the feeling of surrender. That unique feeling, that release, is a major reason we gather together here and in other places to discuss recovery. It's hard to explain to people who have not experienced it. To me it was more of a feeling than a thought - the defeat and surrender finally felt like a relief rather than a sacrifice. A new road opened, defeat made me a clean slate. The delusional ego began to diminish. The clarity was painful, but felt genuine - and it had been so long since I felt something genuine, I just knew it was the truth. The journey to surrender is different for all of us. I heard a speaker say the gift you receive from recovery is YOURSELF - you rediscover the real, amazing, loving YOU that was lost.