The quick answer is the last paragraph.
First crush. Oh my, it was puppy love. I saw him from across the football field and had to find out more. It was those darn orange parachute pants. How easily impressed I was with his pint and parachute pants. Nothing ever materialized. I saw him at the liquor store about four years ago. He was getting a pint for a road trip with his mom. WHEW –Escaped that one.
First high school love: His friend and my friend were seeing each other so we naturally just started seeing each other. Did we have any similarities… well no, other than pool, pot and fun behind closed doors. I was a sucker for his young Sylvester Stallone look. He went off to the Army after graduation.
That summer (1987) I met my in recovery, soon to be husband. I was friends with his sisters. He was in recovery- AA, OA, & SA. Don’t know why he never took me to a meeting. I was pretty ignorant on the whole 12 step thing then. ~~~~ Should have been in Al-Anon by now~~~~~ He stopped going to meetings. Didn’t drink, but the OA and SA addictions kicked in. I didn’t stay. Divorced 3 ½ years after I said I Do.
I decided to get myself together, get back to school and take care of me. (Figured that one out without Al-Anon.) Oh….but let me tell ya… it didn’t last.
Memorial Day Weekend, Sunday, what do I find? My Sylvester Stallone Eyed Sweetie, sleeping on my picnic bench. RED FLAG RED FLAG -- (Hindsight 20/20) I don’t have any where to go… and the chaos begins. I learned why my spoons were black on the underside, which drove me batty. I learned about coke and crank. I experienced the A. personality. I learned to buy cans, not bottles because they might break in the shower. I started to really wish I wouldn’t have had a picnic bench. He became engrossed in meth and I believed he was seeing someone else. I didn’t care if it was Methany or the hook-up gal, the outcome was the same. Our lives changed considerably, and I wasn’t willing to go along with it. One thing I do miss from that relationship is the fishing trips and campfires and his sister.
Enter the bartender… Sigh, The redneck charmer, cute, lively, brown hair and curls again. I liked the big truck with CB antennas that screamed adventure. I actually asked him out. I asked him to take me fishing. He was a fisherman, truck driver, antique collector, camper, hunter, and a pack-rat-yard-sale addict. We had enough stuff in our 2 bed room house to fill a mansion. It was never dull. He was a truck driver and had big dreams that he wanted me to be a part of. Never happened thanks to a series of DUI’s., then the back injury, the meds and meth once again. I stayed & I stayed, and became a walking zombie. I shut down emotionally, physically and verbally. Total denial. I can’t hear you it’s not happening, I am not responding. He actually had the Al-Anon 12x12. He read the opening out loud to me. But my mind was not open – I didn’t hear anything. My mouth said no, just get off the meth and it will be ok. It never would have been. By now I was in serious need of Al-Anon. The things I enjoyed about the jack-of-all-trades was his 1)love of God in his life. 2)camping 3)mountain trail walks 4)fishing 5)zest for life 6) publicly the same as private. We were together 6 ½ years.
Brown curly haired Irish Boy. The next addict is the one who brought me to Al-Anon through a counselor at an in treatment plan. Not 2 weeks after I broke up with the jack-of-all-trades, I took a trip to the beach for a special car show trip. I am not sure that we have so much in common as we communicate well, enjoyed each others company. Never moved in with each other, however we were nearly inseparable. I started going back to school and doing things for myself, and we slipped apart. Meth entered along with some questionable companions. After several relapses, I drew two boundaries that have changed my world for the better. I will not be around anyone using meth. & I will not let my house be a detox sleep center. – I haven’t ended it, I haven’t pursued it. I am just letting it sit. Guess I still have a little hope for a friendship to still be possible if he is clean. I know he will be back to pick up his guns (yes another redneck, gearhead.) and projection tv (which I am enjoying) someday.
Until then, I will take care of me and my needs everyday. I will figure out what my real likes and dislikes are and I will find out how to build happiness within my self, instead of relying on someone else to provide it for me. I have a lot of personal work ahead of me. It’s been two months since I spoke to him and I am really starting to feel a peace about my world.
So…. what kind of guy? ---- already happened in an AA Meeting. Brown hair, and curls, reaching for the candy dish…………. YIKES!!! I put the blinders on and didn’t look twice. Sat there convincing myself that he probably didn’t have a sponsor, probably hasn’t been sober for two days and probably has two wives and seven kids and unemployed. Not now is my kind of guy right now. But, he will probably have brown hair and curls, enjoy fishing, football and campfires. He might have an interest in antiques or antique vehicles.