Originally Posted by
bozboz 
I understand. I can't begin to tell you how many times I relapsed, because I've just lost count. I've been to jail 5 times and even then, just couldn't wait to get out so that I could have a drink. I walked out one morning, and saw that my truck was crashed and could not recall what I had run into. That scared the living crap out of me. I still continued to drink. I hated myself and who I was. Sometimes I still do. The quilt of things I have done to myself and to others just astounds me, and brings me to my knees. We can get through this, and we have to forgive ourselves. Pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and. Keep trying until we get it right.
I think I have finally kind of realized it's a disease or something wrong with my body. I mean it makes no sense. It's self inflicted torture. We hate it but we need it. The worst part is alot of people don't even know I do it. I'm not that social a person and when I drink I sit in my living room playing video games and blasting music most of the time. I go 2 weeks without doing it and then hit the reset button and do it all over again.