Maybe that last episode was what it took to have you get the help you need. You certainly are not a bad person - you are filled with regret & remorse because you care about your actions & their impact on others. (I haven't been to outpatient rehab, hopefully someone else will be able to advise.)
I drove drunk quite a few times, & never thought I was out of control. Yet I blew a .32 once! We could both be in jail for vehicular homicide. Frightening - but you have another chance. This is where your dangerous behavior can end. You can kick this poison out of your life and have a whole new start. I know you can do this.