Back at day 1..what's wrong with me
Back to day 1 after a three day bender. I am so down and out right now it is ridiculous. I have been fighting off the frightening anxiety and wondering why I can't seem to get this right. Of course I drove drunk in blackout and woke up to my car parked half way out of my spot. I live in an apartment complex and I can't stop worrying about wether someone saw me pull in and stumble out. Luckily, there are no dents or scratches on the car and the police haven't showed up so I am assuming my compelete and total disregard for anything only hurt me....this time. Why do we do this? If I had hurt someone I would not have been able to live with myself. I can't stop thinking about the shame and hurt this creates for my family members. They give me nothing but love and I can't even give them a sober son or brother. I could cry my eyes out right now. I feel like the worst person in the world.
Just called my shrink and have set up an outpatient rehab that she recomended but I didn't go because I'm too young, successful, etc. Funny I can have so much pride. I think I need a program other than just sober recovery and my own self will. Anyone done the outpatient thing? What even happens in rehab?