I am so sorry you and your kids are going through this.............I am going to share something that I have been going through for the last 10 years of my second marriage....
I have two older kids that are not with my AH......and we have one daughter together...who is six.....she is the only grandchild of my AH mother.........I have gone through alot of issues regarding my two older kids being left out of a whole lot of things....it hurt me tremendously.......I hurt for my kids............as time has gone by...........I had to learn to let it go.........it was the hardest thing I had ever done......I spent some many nights argueing with my AH.........telling him to please talk to his mother...........his mother brings treats and buys anything for my youngest daughter......anything she wanted she would get it..........and she would never bring anything over for my other two kids............I think it hurt me more then it did my kids....alot of the time I dont think that my kids noticed much..........and as I kept argueing with my husband.........they started noticing more of what was going on around them...........it caused alot of heartache and confusion............my two older kids didnt understand...........why she would bring things for my youngest daughter and could never bring anything for them........his mother even was telling my youngest daugher to hide treats in her drawers so she could have them for later.........I truly began to hate her.......and it was eating me alive..................
I had to let it go..................it was creating nothing but chaos in my life........on top of everything else.............I had to learn that it was not my fault this person could be so uncaring after 10 years that she would continue to do this........it didnt matter what I said...........I have explained to my two older kids that I cant control what my mother in law does...........my kids know how horrible she is being.......and they know it is not their fault..........even my younger child who is only six.....is picking up on what her granny is doing...........she has even said something to her.........on her own.....she occasionaly asks her to please bring something for her bubby and sissy too..........whether it was a bag of chips, cookies, ice cream........whatever it was......my kids are learning a hard lesson in life.........very young..........
I have had to talk to his mom myself and say look buy her whatever you would like but please do not bring it to my home.........I have two other children that didnt understand.......why you couldnt afford two more packages of crackers.........or whatever it was..........
I think alot of the times it hurt me more then it did my kids..........and that is why I had to let it go........I kept trying to force someone to love my two older kids as much as I do.............I realize that I cant......no matter what I did or what I said nothing ever worked..........I even tried to make up for it............but I couldnt keep up..........I cant fix everything and this is definetly something I couldnt fix............so in my best way that I possibly could I tried to let me kids know how much I loved them.....and her behavior wasnt right but most above all it isnt there fault..............
instead of having just one grandchild she could have three.........that would love her and three that she could spoil..............but she chooses not to..........and one day this is something that she will have to answer too.........her only grandchild is going to see how unfair she is.............
So as hard as it may seem.........this is something I had to let go...........and let God...