I found out my husband was using and he had been doing it for approx 2 yrs before he came clean. I knew towards the end because money started coming up missing but then I got smart and moved it to where he did not have access no more then he came clean about his addiction. I guess you could say I backed him against a corner when there was no funds for him to get to. I completely understand about not wanting to throw away your marriage, I am dealing with that struggle myself. I dont have many words of wisdom to offer except protect your money and dont buy into the lies. The one thing I have learned from Nar-Anon meetings is stop doing the detective work because you will just drive yourself crazy.