just to say welcome...
You can go online and find any number of academic studies/reports on alcoholism. What is good here..you can safely say anything you want (we don't know the real you or where you are), AND..
What is HERE is REAL. Those of us who have suffered due to spouse/partner/relatives, and are willing to speak openly about the pain. I mean.. some of the stuff I put out in public on this site. Why? because SOMEONE might be able to gain from it.
One of my xabf 's buddies lovingly calls me a "citizen", meaning, it is clear that I am not doing drugs, breaking the law, getting drunk, etc. I don't work (I'm 62), but overall, my life is pretty straight. HOW THE HELL did I get sucked into my relationship with him?
For one thing..it was not obvious to start with. He seemed like a decent guy (and somewhere in there, maybe there is a corner that is). Anyone can spot the under-the-bridge, in the shelter/rehab alcoholic. Its the functioning ones that will slam you because on the surface, they are ok. So, we want to believe, we want to hope, we don't want to be judgemental. Like you..I have a glass of wine on occasion, and can walk away.
Like many..I thought "wow, this is someone who deep inside, wants a stable and peaceful life, and a real relationship". But, when the cover came off, the alcohol came first. And when the alcohol stopped (which it supposedly has), the deceit and manipulation became more clear.
We are all unique, and we are all individuals here. Bottom line, we are all worth better than giving up our life and hearts to a relationship that is less than we deserve.
It's good to have a safe place.