I think the first thing you can do is start to let go of the incident. It is a pretty small thing to dwell on, you know. It might seem big to you, but think about it, how many times do small kids/toddlers have these kinds of things happen to them in a week. How long do you expect you as a family to dwell on it. YES, both of you acted childish, happens to the best of us.
I have found that when I react to ABF and his antics, they get more and more heated and more and more childish. Sometimes after I reflect on an incident I realize that I too played a part in what happened. I feel ashamed to have gone 'there' so to speak. Sure, I don't like his behavior when he is drinking. It is all too often that he drinks for me. But playing into his delirium doesn't help me. In fact, he seems to get joy out of the anguish he causes me. He may even say the same thing of me. I think we all just have to respect that we are all adults, all make our own choices and decide what we are willing to live with and teach our kids.
Just my .02