Hi Brownhorse,
I have found that what serves me best is to focus on me, and my interactions with all around me. I was surprised at the similarities of my behavior, even if the circumstances were different with the people in my life. I found I had healthy relationships and unhealthy ones, and tried to see what made the healthy ones healthy, rather than pick apart the problems spots.
I can't change anyone, but I can change the way I react to anyone I choose. It really is freeing to know that I'm not a victim, but instead an active participant that can call my own shots, and create the balance I need.
(((Hugs)))