brownhorse

So, I started my book and finished the whats codependency and who's got it part. I knew going it to the book I have it. The first story about Jessica could of easily!!!! been replaced with my name. But, now I have a question. I really think my codependcy started with my dad. He is an adult child of an alcoholic and he is still mad as he** at him. I have left my RAH. We are seperated but agreed to kind of work on ourselves right now and be parents to our kids. I feel good about it.

My dad just these last few weeks just still is constantly yelling at me. Dad says I am smarter than this and should just leave him. I need to move on and find a dependable guy. Yesterday, he tried to tell me that I am trying to use my 9 year old as a companion. Now, two things I lost a child and his Birthday would be TODAY. Of course, I am different with my son. I HAVE LOST A CHILD. Do I spoil him and hate to disappoint him? YES! but use him as a companion. NO. If anything we are close because of what I went through. MY RAH worked constantly and did I say I lost a child suddenly that I did not know was sick with a lung defect? And my 9 year old does great in school, has a wonderful personality and has never had any issues at school. Maybe, I want to give my RAH that shares the fact with me that we lost a child that he found time to be that dependable person my dad wants for me. I don't know what I want and have learned from you all that is OK.

My dad was raised by an alcoholic that still drinks. My dad is a codependent. There is no talking to him about it and the only reason I even ever see him is my mom. I am not looking forward to the holidays. I realize in just the little of the book I have read I was raised to be a codependent. I watched my mom deal with my dad who didn't drink but acted like an A. I was taught to walk on eggshells around my dad and my sister who was like my dad and a ticking time bomb. I have always picked guys that were bad for me. In fact, my grandma before she passed would say she would rescue me so I could get a break. My mom has thought about leaving my dad but stays when she tells me I should leave my RAH who I do not think is as bad as my dad. No wonder I am all messed up.

So, I am thinking that I need to go about this book maybe twice. And first deal with my dad and sister. I am wondering what others think. I have so much built up towards them. So wodering before I start if you agree to just focus on my dad and sister first then go back and focus on my RAH. Or is i possible focus on both at the same time.