Hi everyone. Last night I relapsed after almost a month of sobriety. I kind of relapsed on purpose as weird as that might sound. I have generalized anxiety disorder and travel anxiety- my friend (and old drinking buddy) made reservations to visit Portland in a week and I have been very anxious about the trip. I have appeased my travel anxiety in the past with alcohol. The focus of my anxiety is the fear that I won't be able to sleep away from home (completely irrational I know, but it's a strong fear.) I've always just gotten drunk on vacations so I can pass out. This time though, I'm "supposed" to be sober. I rationalized my drinking last night by saying to myself, "well, I'll probably drink at least one night in Portland so I should go out and drink tonight just to see how it effects me." Weird anxiety thinking. So I went out with a friend, had fun for the first part of the night but noticed that all I wanted to do (as always) was keep drinking more and more beer. Oh, and did I mention that I had to be up for Jury Duty at 7am? We ended up staying out until almost 3. I drove home drunk and passed out. I woke up when my alarm went off at 7 and started crying because I was so tired, my head ached, and I was ashamed + there was no way that I could get myself to Jury Duty. I ended up calling and telling them I was sick and rescheduling. This is the first time I've flaked out on responsibilities in a long time.
Long story short...I'm very worried about Portland now. We're staying in a hostel with lots of other young people (I'm 25) and there are micro brewery's everywhere + I already told my friend that I'd be down to drink a little (which to me means drink until I pass out) while I'm there.
I'm scared and confused.
Any advice/ support would be greatly appreciated.
PS. I just took an 8 hour nap. My body is really not happy with my reckless drinking last night.
