anvil-
as i was reading that, i was picturing the list, and saw number 1 just like you wrote. i know that has been the main reason. there is a tie between rehab and just a quick hello (although i am not saying that those are not without a reason). yeah- true- six months, its all been the same ole'. 12 mos same ole'. so i guess i do hope that i hope for something.
i realize that taking the calls keeps me connected and keeps my hope alive. i see more and more about actions and words.
i do realize that this is more about my recovery than hers at this point, and i am glad i am working on that, but i am still not convinced about it being my ego. im not trying to change her or tell her what to do, i have for the most part stepped aside. now where the ego does come into play is that i dont want to be discarded by her. i had that epiphany the other day. not do i want to be replaced. there is that aspect. but that is also because i do like the other parts of her that i have known, but at the same time i can see that i am stuck in the fantasy still. practice not perfection. i am better than i was before and that keeps me moving