(((SecretLife))) - welcome to SR!! As to whether you're an addict, that's really something only you can determine. As far as not WANTING to be an addict, I definitely understand and I'm many others do.
You're not a horrible person. I, personally, did some pretty horrible stuff when I was using (my DOC - drug of choice) was crack, but that doesn't mean I'M horrible..you neither.
What helped me, a lot, when I first got here was reading through other posts. Though people may have different DOCs, I found out I wasn't alone and this isn't a site where people judge. It's people sharing their ES&H (experience, strength and hope) and, at least from my perspective, it's a safe place to talk about stuff we don't want to talk to others about.
Keep reading and posting. There is also a forum for people with chronic pain (sorry - don't have the link and would have to type this all over again as I'm somewhat of a techno-idiot) but you may want to check that out, too.
You took a big step in coming here, and that's pretty cool. Keep reading and posting, we're here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy