How do I turn it over to a H.P.?
I am looking for a Nar-anon sponsor to work the steps with but have only been in this particular program for 2 months.
I accept my powerlessness and unmanageability over the addict in Step 1.
I have been lifted out of the depths of suicidal hell by telling my H.P. That I need help and I can't do it by myself. I have been given sanity for the last week. I did not nor could I have created this miracle. So, Step 2, has come true for me. I want to live. I don't know what my future will be but I want to be a better person. I have started buying myself pretty clothes, I have decided to volunteer at the library to help people learn to read. I am not blaming myself for the whole pie anymore...just a slice. I am wanting very much to learn how to forgive myself...people I tell my story too think I have loaded way too much unwarrented gulit on myself. Even my AS doesn't blame me.
Now for step 3. I don't know HOW to turn it over. I have made the decision but I don't know how to apply this to my worries over the Holidays, obsessions about where AS is living, why he doesn't ever call me, in truth.....I wrote an entire notebook page full of things I wanted to turn over...yet I am still not able to fully LIVE this. Plus many of the things I wanted to turn over seem to go back to Step 1 work.
I am jubilant to feel the wondrous angels about me. I am praying all through the day, calling people in the program, going to meetings...yet at times I don't know how...to do this Step 3.
I used to drink a couple beers with my husband at night and have stopped this because it seems that it was causing my depression to worsen. I have suffered with depression off and on all my life but am happy to say I feel much better.
Anyway, if anyone out there can offer any guidance or suggestion, I would be most appreciative. Recovery is really fun...I am beginning to make friends...sort of...at least I am calling and I have invited a lady for coffee before the meeting tomorrow night. If she can't come, that's o.k. At least I made the effort to stop isolating. Still reading a novel a day...my fave escape!
For today, I will try to turn over Holiday/his upcoming Birthday worries over. Maybe that goes back to Step 2...perhaps I am not sane yet...I think not!