Hi,
Your post feels very similar to what I'm going through right now. Basically, I know that this isn't good for me. But I keep going back for more. Accepting behavior that I wouldnormally find unacceptable. I have found that I have turned into a crazy person. My friends and family are very tired of watching me cry only to go back to him. I started going to meetings less than a week ago and am hoping/praying that they will help. The thought of being without him is so much worse than what I feel I am going through right now. But anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I completely understand what you are going through and although I am not in your shoes, it's easier said than done. I do feel like my addiction is my boyfriend. Just like he is probably constantly obsessing about when he is going to go out drinking again. I'm obsessing about when I'm going to see him. I live in a constant state of anxiety. Anyway, you're not alone. And accepting that it's over, is easier said than done. Hang in there. And just do your best. That's what I'm trying to do.