I understand that. I have lots of letters and emails from my AH saying he is sorry and even ones where he says he wont make promises, just going to show me, etc. Those actually did seem to help a little now that I think of it. It sure sounded good anyway...but, alas, it never held out or stayed consistent. I have just learned to expect that if given the chance or opportunity, no matter what the situation (2 days out of his 3rd rehab for example) that he WILL drink. If something else happens, I am pleasantly surprised. But, its only happened once and for a very short time. Then I felt guilty for doubting him and possibly contributing to his relapse which I know isn't right either. Ugh. I think I just have to take baby steps and/or crawl through this one day at a time. So sorry for the financial worry, that takes its own hard toll (pardon the pun) and I know all too well how that feels. More (((hugs)))