Sorry about my double post. I tried to delete one but it didn't work. One thing that helped me with my XAH was I wrote down all the hurtful things he had done and kept the list with me to read when I wanted to talk to him. My best girlfriends who loved me told me stuff too which actually helped me in the long run. One said he's a jerk.....and the other said he's just a drunk ! Therapy helped and the Code No More books. My therapist said my integrity got me out of the relationship. Now after several years in Alanon I believe I was addicted to the addict. I had to run away from him as if he were my drug. Now four years later after divorce I am so much happier.There was a link 2-18-10 about giving ourselves golden cowchip awards for each day of no contact. Leaders can we bring back the "Golden Cowchip Award" for each day we take a break from the bull ?