Hi wishingdreaming,
I hope it is Ok to look at a few points from this thread and your other one?
From what you have said, you are in a casual relationship with a man in his 30s who you find yourself attracted to. Though you maintain separate residences, you feel certain that he is not using any amphetamine/laxatative substances (like cocaine), but after ending an evening of drinking, he has the energy and mental alertness to chat until the wee hours of the morning. He has, on at least 2 occasions, had involuntary bowel evacuations - once in a public bar and once in your bedroom, feet from the bathroom. You note that he isn't shy about talking about this type of stuff as "thats how he is".
Now the people closest to you are starting to reach out to you about their concerns. Huge red flag there. As you are not in a full time relationship with this man (or raising his children), your friends are going out on a real limb here. You are not financially dependent on him nor in danger of losing a home, and there are no other people involved or impacted. That is a gutsy move from your friends and is telling on two accounts - first, that they know this isn't their business (and could backfire) but secondly, and more important - that they care enough about you to say something.
Is it possible/likely that they know about all of this stuff - and more?
Mr "thats just how he is" is showing himself zero self-respect and even less to you - if it were even possible. That doesn't happen in a vacuum and people do pick up on it (even if the blatant examples aren't known).
I am going to go against the grain here, and have fully donned my flame proof suit in preparation. Al Anon is a fabulous resource for friends and family of alcohol abusers, but this man isn't family and with his actions and lack of respect, do you really need him in your inner circle as a friend? Counseling is cathartic, as is posting here - both allow for unscrambling of the brain by giving the opportunity to vent and get it out - but at times, it helps to revisit those thoughts with a clear head and read back what has been said/written to know where our heads were at a prior moment in time.
Please, for yourself, choose wisely for your future. You can seek counseling as to how to live/deal with an addict (in cases bringing them even closer by mentally renting them space in your brain) or how to walk from a relationship in which you have no financial or legal ties.
You deserve better than this.
Take what you want and leave the rest. I wish you only the best.