Hello Bluedoor and Need2b -- glad you are here. I'm a new registrant to this site (tho I lurked for a couple of years) and have finally gotten on a real path of sobriety. I hear the anguish in your posts -- or I should say recognize it, 'cuz that sounds so much like me, many times over the last 5-10 years. You have made a very important step by coming here. You'll find so many wonderful, inspiring and helpful people here. Keep visiting and keep reading. Many things will resonate with you! Best wishes.