thanks suki! I think the hard part is my friends and family have seen me hurt so many times they want me to just break away and at first when he was so mean it was easy but now he is back in aa and I see the old man I fell in love with. I feel like my parents get mad at me when I am just nice to him. I need to learn not only to be dependent from my AH but my mom and dad where it started. I am in therapy.