I remember telling my H, before alcohol became such a big part of lives, "What would you do without me?" We would laugh about it and he would say "You're right. I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for you."
The point is, I was proud of that. I was proud that someone else depended on me so much and that I such control over everything. I was proud that I was the "good" one who solved all the problems and he was the "needy" one who couldn't function without me. This was a guarantee that he'd never leave me.
I realized that was not a healthy way to feel. There are no guarantees. My role in other people's lives is to encourage them to fly - not keep them under my wing.
I often wonder how much my "taking care" of him contributed to the fact that he feels unable to live his own life and make his own choices now.
L