Back again
It's been a while since I’ve written anything here at F&F. I've been trying to work on the issues related to the abuse and SA in the relationship I had with XAH, PTSD etc., rather than the alcoholism. So I've been elsewhere. But I’m back – Dear F&F, are you ready for the novels, again?
I'm back because a whole new round of crazy is starting, and I let myself be sucked right back into it and am trying to back myself right back out of it. What the main thought though is that MY issues with the situation all come back to my desire to have his family like me, understand.... It's all coming back to me forgetting that they are HIS family...
Back story: XAH has visits every weekend with our DS; by court order, due to the alcoholism, abuse and SA, the visits are supervised. XAH’s GF, sister and father were appointed the supervisors. This past year, GF was the main enabler; she had been XAH's catspaw, mother, wheels, free-ride, etc. He'd wind her up and point her in the direction of the ex (me), with the result that she became the voice of his vitriolic diatribes. XAH's GF, however, has finally given up and stated that XAH is a lost cause because she can't fix him, is afraid of him, wants him no where near her or her kids.
He's drinking and using again, and she had enough. Last weekend, her kids were with their father, but she and XAH had DS for his weekend visit. XAH got nasty; she left and took DS with her so he wasn't left alone with XAH. (For that I will be FOREVER grateful.) And she later kicked XAH out.
Hearing this, I thought: Finally! Now he won't be trying to show her he's really a good dad or be the wounded, mis-understood ex-husband who's ex-wife was so vengeful, she makes him have supervised visits with their child. But man, I'd forgotten about his sister.
Prior to this: odd visit weekend with his family picking up DS for Daddy Visits when XAH was not even in the same state, pretending that XAH was present for the visit, having DS lie about where he is (“With Daddy!”), refusing to bring DS back or let me pick up DS from where ever they were. Refusal to respond to any correspondence. I’m sorry, their credibility is kind of shot.
XAH e-mailed this week and asked if it's OK for him and his father to pick up DS for dinner on Sunday (per the terms of the visitation schedule). I waited to respond – deep breath – then e-mailed to say it was OK since it was within the term of the court orders, copied his sister and father, and outlined the responsibilities for a court ordered supervisor. Which in retrospect was a stupid, STUPID thing for me to do. XSIL is again haranguing me about XAH’s RIGHT to see his son and accusing me of withholding DS from XAH all while she ignores XAH’s active alcoholism.
I’m trying to remind myself that they’re HIS family. He’s an alcoholic, his niece is an alcoholic, his aunts/uncles on his mom’s side all died from alcohol related issues, of course his sister is bound to be enmeshed in the disease too. His dad believes alcoholics can just STOP. Reasoning with them is not an option. Trying to figure out what they’re thinking is just as pointless as trying to figure out what XAH is thinking. So just don’t do it.
I’m trying to back myself back out of the circle.
Point to this novella? I need a hug, encouragement, some response that may indicate I have more brains than I feel I do right now...