I realized one day that I stayed in this relationship to punish myself for not being a better mother, daughter, friend, wife. The pain of the relationship kept me from having to look within myself, from acknowledging my own shortcomings, and from forgiving and accepting myself for the wonderful (not perfect) person that I am. But I don't want to play the victim anymore. I want to celebrate my life and the lessons I have learned.
I don't know if I will stay in this relationship forever or not. It has been part of my journey. I feel thankful and blessed because of the people who have been in my life. Maybe the role that my AH has played in my life is over and I will be able to move on to the level. Maybe he will be here for sometime to come and we can grow together to fulfill our purpose on life. Waiting for the answers....listening to my inner voice, my HP...your will be done, not mine.