You're quite welcome. I'm glad there was something useful in what I posted.
Two years after your original post, my father is in jail facing many many felony counts, and there is a high probability of him spending the rest of his life in prison. I did not cause that, I certainly couldn't control it, and I can't 'cure' this mess. My mom still has dementia but interstingly, has decided to not drink much anymore. We'll see how long that lasts. She seems to have traded religion for alcohol, something I've known many alocholics/addicts to do. But she made that decision, not me.
While your father suffers the medical consequences, mine suffers the legal consequences. They are not so very much different really - both are expensive, both are/were preventable, both of our fathers chose not to prevent it.
And you and I are left to try to put our lives together in as healthy a manner as we can. It is good to have people remind us that we're not alone in our troubles. Trauma is experienced much more severely if the victim (us) feels alone. I am glad I don't have to be alone in dealing with the fallout from my parents drinking. And a little part of me has been very very relieved to know that if I get a call from my parents home phone number, I no longer have to hide from it - it won't be my dad calling me drunk anymore. Until he's adjudicated, my dad isn't allowed to talk to me at all, or communicate with me in any way. And? In an odd way, I miss him - but I don't want to go back to how things had been before he was arrested when his drinking was really out of control.
We live strange lives, us ACoAs. Where half the world seems so self-centered that they need a good whacking with a clue bat, us ACoAs struggle to focus on our own needs. Maybe we can stand down field from the clue bat and try to catch some of the self-centered being knocked out of the people who have far too much of a sense of entitlement and self-importance.... Oh, if only it was that simple!