I stayed because I always thought if I could just make everything in our lives perfect he would not want to drink or smoke pot anymore because everything was perfect and we had our happy lives. "Perfect" isn't even possible. But I sure tried...this last year i kind of relaxed that and just let things fall where they may...he did his thing...I did mine which as mostly stay home with my son and the dogs. I took care of everything and he played. Until he almost brought a woman home to my bed.....after a very drunk night.
I reflected and found that he had been happier ...doing his own thing...drinking and smoking more..playing out all the time and i was miserable and alone. I am leaving...now he is "sad" drinking and smoking even more...I just gave him another excuse...but its not my fault and nothing I can do about it because he doesn't feel he has a problem....and I can only help myself.