What I didn't realize prior to my wife going into rehab was that people actually die from alcoholism. I mean, I kind of did, but it was all very abstract and impersonal. Until I saw the cups on the wall at the Rehab Center, of the people who'd left the program and died that year. Until one of the young girls that went through rehab with my wife relapsed and died. Until I finally realized how weak and frail my wife really was when she went into detox. Then I started to understand that battling alcoholism is a life and death struggle.
I get it that life goes on for the rest of when an alcoholic is struggling for recovery. And I get it that it seems kind of unfair that the people we spent so much time and energy supporting while they were drinking seem to still be getting a free ride after they finally stop drinking. But it really is a life and death struggle.
I can't imagine telling my buddy with prostate cancer that he ought to skip a radiation treatment so he could spend more time with his family. It just wouldn't occur to me. But somehow we don't see alcoholism that way.