happy thursday, all. day 18 here. the day was pretty good. i snuck out from work and went to a lunchtime meeting. the meeting was so awesome, people really digging deep and sharing. i shared that what i am missing so much about my wine is how it softened the hard edges. now i am left to look at the mess i've made around me, at home and at work and in my relationships. i also have to face problems that have been to hard for me to handle, without the veil of wine to make everything go away for a while, every night. it feels relentless now. i crave escape. i feel like i need so much sleep, just to have some time away from so much frank reality. i am trying to walk and listen to music every day. trying to get some sleep and read a few pages of the BB before i go to bed. just make it through this one day, and say a prayer of gratitude before i go to sleep.
there is a party this weekend that i have been invited to. a dress up halloween celebration which will include alcohol. i really feel intimidated by it. the presence of the alcohol is too much for me right now. i am so involved in my sobriety that i feel i cannot make casual chitchat. and something about dressing up in costumes isn't good for me right now. it's like i am holding on for dear life to my sobriety and i need to be frank and open, no make-believe or masquerade. i have been hiding so much for so long already. i talked to my sponsor tonight, asked her to help me plan for the weekend. she told me that i should keep it simple at this early point in my sobriety, and should avoid parties and social events that might make me uncomfortable. that i must treat myself as if i am recovering from a serious illness, as i am. i would prefer to go to a meeting, eat a good dinner, watch a movie peacefully and go to sleep early. focus on rest and health.
thanks everyone. i so appreciate this sacred place where we can be our honest selves. sending peace and strength.