db,
thanks for this post, as I am amazed at something you shared. About your sister and you. I have a sister, the middle one. i am the oldest. the middle sister is forever sabotaging any relationship or efforts at one, between us. it is at the point where I do not contact her now. i was thinking that she has borderline personality, and that it was that which makes her think as she does. but what you wrote makes me wonder- is she just doing this because she too does not believe that she wont be abandoned? why is it never enough, to love her?
We had so much dysfunction as children. we fought, and no one helped us to work through problems. we fought, i am sure, because of the tension in the home, due to our fathers drinking and our mothers unhealthy dependence on us girls. she had depression, and could not be a healthy mom. she escaped in books, and sleep. we girls pretty much were on our own. she divorced our dad, and within a few years she began to drink. and became full blown alcoholic. so, i guess trust was something that we did not learn at all, as kids.
my sister was so mean as a kid- she tried to please our mom, and be our dads "son" he did not have. she was mean to me and my youngest sister, and now, as grownups, we cannot be close. she claims to want to be, but if we dont call her, or invite her to something, she thinks that we dont want to have her in our life. she is so negative. but that meanness is hard to forget....
I think it is very positive that you feel you are getting healthier by working through this. I am sure you are right, just because you feel that way.
Maybe there would be growth if you could turn it over to your HP. For you and I know that no one is ever going to be perfect, or make us always feel safe. only we can make ourselves feel safe, i think. it sounds like you have a good marriage, and that your husband is in no way like your father. I wish all men knew how important their role is, in their childrens lives, especially their daughters.
sometimes it is like we had all the ingredients mixed together in such a way that we got this "cookie" of jealousy. I have often wondered if there is anyway that it can be undone.
A certain way to think of ourselves, or how to give ourselves that which is lacking. i dont think that anyone else can give it to us, or that they should, really. i think the healing must come from the inside out, and not from without. tho, it helps to have a loving husband, as you do
any time you wish to talk to me, or need some moral support, please pm me, or send me a message. i find this very interesting. maybe we can help each other, through the insanity of doubts and suspicions.
thank you again,