After 10 years of "discussions" about my husband's relationship with alcohol... I finally came to accept the fact that it is HIS relationship - not mine. He doesn't have a problem with his drinking - I do. Therefore it's my problem to solve. I can't live with the drinking and the corresponding behaviors/attitudes... I can't change him, and there isn't anything about me that I can change (short of a lobotomy) that will make me able to live with the drinking... so...
We are getting a divorce. Our lives are incompatible. It's as simple as that. I used to make it so much more complicated and it kept me stuck. I sat around waiting for him to get sober, waiting for him to show me love/respect... waiting for him to become the man I believed he could be. Today, I see him for the man he is - and accept that it's not enough for me. He's not a bad person. In fact, as I recovery, I've started to remember the good traits - I see him as a human again, worthy of love and respect. And today, I know that I can't love him, as is.
It's sad. I have days of anger. I get scared. I get excited and happy. Sometimes I have all those emotions in a window of 5 minutes... kind of crazy!! But my perspective has changed. My attitude is so much better. My outlook on life is so much healthier than ever before!
Al-anon has helped me find my hope!!