My main reasons for staying was fear of failure. Failing to have a good marriage and family. As long as I kept it all hidden, I didn't have to face it and therefore I didn't fail. I guess letting everyone else find out and the shame is a big part too. I also happen to love my husband and have faith that I made the right decision. Jalacola, I feel for you right now. It was almost 4 years ago that my husband had his last DUI. (3rd one since I met him 19 years ago) This is when he started AA. I had also threatened to leave (as I had many times). This time I had saved money for a mortgage and he knew that I was either going to build a house with him or leave. I am thankful that he chose AA. If your hubby continues to follow the program maybe the 5 beers and a shot could be considered a slip? I don't know. He may be so filled with guilt and that is the reason for not telling you??? Again I don't know. Right now, my insurance is coming due again. And yes it is still high because of his DUI. This is the last year and then it comes off his record. I have to think of this because every year, even though he is not drinking and in the program, I still get very angry that he has caused us so much money. It is really hard to let it go when it cost so much. But I still try. I guess I still have this hope and faith thing going. Hang in there.