Eight Ball

Your right, a month doesnt mean anything.

I left my AH of 23yrs about 5 months ago, he told me 8 weeks later that he had reached his rockbottom, didnt want to lose me and was getting help for his drinking. He has been sober for 12 weeks. My AH is working hard on his recovery, he is different, nice to be around, seems to 'get it' and is saying and doing all the right things. My AH has not been to rehab or AA, he is on anti anxiety/depression medication through his doctor and seeing a therapist. He visits SR and reads books on alcoholism. He hasnt ruled out AA or getting further help if he should need it. He appears genuine about his recovery.

I have told him that I will never live with an active alcoholic ever again and the ball is in his court. It is still very early days for us and really its just a 'wait and see', 'time will tell' situation. Its our six months apart soon and I know I still dont feel ready to jump back into a full time relationship. I know that he doesnt either as his current focus is on his sobriety. Maybe we will reavaluate our living arrangments at the year mark when my AH has a good solid period of recovery under his belt. My AH is happy to do whatever it takes and however long it takes to make that happen. I have had no stipulations put on me.

If your AH is genuine about not drinking and not wanting to lose his family then he will do whatever it takes to not drink so that he can be with his family - there is no rush. Take the time-out to work on yourselves as individuals and give it some time.

My AH was verbally abusive and this eroded away at my self esteem over the years. It took 18 months of therapy, SR and Al-anon for me to realise that I was important and that my life was important and I deserved a much happier future. I am using the peace and serenity and time living on my own to work on me, so that I will be a much stronger, healthier person who can participate in a healthy relationship, whether that ends up being my AH or not.