rosie323

Hi, I am would be so grateful to get your comments on understanding what happens to someone when they go into recovery?

A bit about my situation. Me best friend and on again off again relationship for the last 10 years has been a binge drinker. I have been the closest person in his life, and we have shared a very deep bond and love. Thru the years, due to his addiction, he would shutdown emotionally and we would separate as was too painful for me. Somehow something would always bring us back together and there has been so much love that our relationship would always become more than friends. In 10 years we haven't been able to control having a physical relationship unless he was in shutdown mode.

He has told me for years I am the love of his life. He has moved across country to be near me. Due to his addiction, our relationship has always been confusing, and undefined.

This summer after I distanced myself since his addiction got bad. He reached out to me asking for help. He went to rehab for a month, quit his job and now has been back for 2 months. He is completely dedicated to AA, mtgs 1 to 3 times a day. Phone calls, coffee mtgs daily with AA members.

Now the part that is causing me so much pain! The whole time he was in rehab and for the 6 weeks he came back, he was so loving, seemed very warm, balanced, and put in so much effort to express his love and desire to spend his life with me. He was so affectionate, kind, gentle.

The last 3 weeks almost overnight this has changed. He feels like the guy he was when he would go into shutdown mode. He is cold to me, he doesnt call as much, doesn't have this strong desire to spend time with me. Few months back I told him how I can't wait for him and am going to start dating other people. That would bother him. But now he is very much encouraging me that I should. How AA says he can't be in a relationship for a year. He says he is the best he has ever been. Quit smoking and drinking. He isn't working right now as wants to fix all the issues in his life including wrist problems that would make him feel bad.

So he is very focused on himself and his life. I get it that al anon says the same for me, I am and do take care of myself. But I just don't get this. I started getting upset at his coldness so he said that it could be an expectation thing since we have this physical relationship. So he said we should remove that and just be friends. So that is how it is now. We have hung out the last 3 times, and absolutely zero affection. He doesn't even seem like there is any difficulty in him not touching me! For 10 years he hasn't ever been able to keep his hands off me. Up until 3 weeks ago, he was so affectionate and loving.

Now suddenly it is this distant feeling casual friendship. Instead of the loving best friends we have always been. I keep expressing my discontent but is going on deaf ears. He doesn't seem phased or like he cares at all about my issue with the lack of warmth.

Would so help me to understand all better? What has happened as he is getting more distance from the substances? Why and how do different? He says he is best he has ever been. But all I see is this zombie. He is all into community service now, wanting to tutor, volunteer, but he feels so cold, don.t get it!

Pls help!