Just a little update :)
My exrabf has been gone a while now. I haven't cried once since he left.
I haven't been this happy or content in years. My house is full of laughter, loud music, fun and friends...my daughters friends are in and out like they own the place...home is lively and lived in again.
My daughter is happier, more confident, more relaxed, come to think of it, so am I.
I'm making new friends and reconnecting with old friends, taking better care of myself and my home. I've lost 6 and a half stone in the last 9 months and I feel much better for it.
A new romance is on the horizon and he's lovely, very respectful...taking it slow though.
Basically...there is not ONE negative thing about splitting with the ex. Really, not one...I can't think of anything at all. It makes me shudder to even think about going back with him.
I keep contact with the ex to a minimum. He's deleted from my FB but we still mail maybe once or twice a month. Not sure why, probably because we ended things on an amicable note and it seemed rude to ignore him as a "friend".
He told me last month that he'd had a drink on a couple of occasions. I blew up at him and then realised that it was NONE of my business and I closed my laptop down. I haven't mentioned it since, I'm not going to ask and I don't want to know.
It got me to thinking...and I've actually come to the conclusion that I never really loved him at all. I think I met him at a time when I was vulnerable and I wanted someone to love me to make me feel good about myself.
I have a lot of regrets. I regret wasting those 8 years, I regret letting myself down and putting myself in such an awful situation. I regret putting my daughter through it too.
Do you think you can stay with someone that long and in the end realise you never even loved them at all?
I think I'm still codependent but I'm aware of it, which makes it easier to deal with, and hopefully not fall into those traps too. I have my Codependent No More on my Kindle now and read it every so often, it keeps me on the straight and narrow, I still read here too, although I don't feel the "need" to as much as I did.
Am also aware that my anxiety, worrying and stressing over things has lessoned considerably. Best thing is though, I am HAPPY all the time!
If you're at the stage where you want to leave but are teetering on the edge because you're scared...just take a deep breath and "let go". You won't regret it.