Wow,
A lot going on here for sure. I know how you feel too. Unfortunately for alcoholics (I am one and have my own horror stories) we usually start drinking again as it is easier to cope that way, lest our dirty lil secret escape into the general populace. Especially when others depend on us to provide the support.
I was at the point as well where I could do it alone and keep my secret. But in all reality we hit bottom and then two things happen. One is we get better and I don't want to talk about the other.
So, I highly recommend that you see a Doctor and see really how bad off you are and seriously seek some supervised help to detox. After detox you can decide what you want to do that best fits your circumstance.
I applaud you posting this as it's the first real step in recovery.
Good luck