Diligence
Evening everyone,
Diligence:
Earnest and persistent application to an undertaking; steady effort; Attentive care; heedfulness.
My lesson of the past 2 days, diligence. Sometimes sobriety seems effortless, other times, not so much! Today is 47 days of sobriety, and most days its been ok, its been basically simple. BUT, there’s also been those days, for no reason at all, I find myself planning on a drink or two or three… and then quickly make the jump back to reality, and I just know. I know that I’m sober, I know that I want to be sober, and I know that I don’t drink. When the planning thoughts hit, and I redirect the thoughts, the old tape shuts off. Yesterday however, the tape… the alcohol voice begged to differ. Without conscious thought, the old tapes continued to play and plan, and I was amazed at that old hold! Nothing different was going on, no drama, no chaos… just getting ready for work and I was shaken to the core!
I shook my head… and out loud, said NO! My strength came back… and I went on with my day. Then, last night, I was on the phone with my partner, and she asked me if I was drinking…??? Wth??
She said that my voice sounded a bit slurry, and she thought I was drinking. But, I wasn’t… and how was I going to prove it, make her believe? She finally handed it over to trust, and we said good night. It bothered me though, it still does.
I’m amazed at the insidiousness of alcohol, and the hold that the behavior itself… has. If I want sobriety, then I have to become MORE diligent and careful… because if not, slipping happens. I should know… I was sober for 11 months, and to the day of the 11 months, I drank… and had to start over again. That was 47 days ago… and its clear to me that some days, need a bit of the hyper-diligence (like yesterday)!
Anyway, just wanted to check in… and cheers to diligence!!
FJ